Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
