Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
