thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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