remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
