very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
