sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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