so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
