while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
