I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize