I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
