just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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