no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
