It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
