Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
