apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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