Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
