I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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