bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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