i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
