my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
