i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
