She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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