I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
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