also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
