so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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