Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
