Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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