Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
