Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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