Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
