His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
