I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
