His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i think my cat just said my name.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
