You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
