So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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