i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
