Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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