my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
