just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
