i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
