Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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