I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
