No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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