i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
