from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
