so explain again why im purple
no
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
