did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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