my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
