Jerry, you need to find god
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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