On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
