Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
