Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
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He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
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Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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