Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
