Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
