I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
