Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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