I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
