I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
