Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
zippers are such a cool invention
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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