Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
