Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Randomize
