We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
