I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
