Your face is a jimmy john
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
