I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
