hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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