Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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