I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Boobs speak an international language.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
