My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
