you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The air was thick with penises
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
