Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
