Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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