no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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