Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
