ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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