If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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