You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
