Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
