check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
