ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
