So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
