My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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