32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
