When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
