At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
