we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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