I think I won the penis lottery.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
