So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Acid is not a monday night drug
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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